Jealousy Rears it's Ugly Head, Again.

I admit, I'm a jealous guy.  I wish I wasn't but sadly, I am. I had a discussion on this and finally saw what I thought I wasn't.   I wanted to find out what exactly being jealous meant.  Maybe that would help me understand why I feel this way and hopefully make it easy to overcome.

I found this:

jeal·ous  

1. Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position

2a. Resentful or bitter in rivalry; envious: jealous of the success of others.

b. Inclined to suspect rivalry.

3. Having to do with or arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness: jealous thoughts.

4. Vigilant in guarding something: We are jealous of our good name.

5. Intolerant of disloyalty or infidelity; autocratic: a jealous God.

When I look at the 5 different meanings, number 1 really jumps out at me.  I'm fearful of being insignificant.  Being a has been.  Yesterdays news.  Trash ready to be thrown out.  When I see or when I perceive someone or something is better than me, an alarm in my head goes off.  I think that I better act quick or I'm done.

Number 3 is another one that, sad to say, might fit my description.  I wish that I was shown the same enthusiastic responses when I show up.  I want what they have.  Why can't I be like that.  

And number 4.  I want to protect my family.  My loved ones.  I don't want my family to have to experience unnecessary pain.  Or have to be exposed to wolves in sheep's clothing.  

All of them sound so good to me.  It makes sense to me.  But I have taken it too far.  I know that.  I have realized that being like this is not going to benefit me one bit.  It's making it worse.  So I have made up my mind to not be a jealous person.  Sounds easy enought, right?  Wrong.  I can say it but it's a slow process. Can I switch it off like a light switch?  No way.  Thank God for my wife who showed me this ugly side of me and is going to help me overcome this nasty ugly side.  

You must be going, "what, Cris is a jealous guy?"  I know, I thought I wasn't either.  But you know what?  I'm at this very bad scene and in command of salvage operations.